The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
