I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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