I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
