is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
