also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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