He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
