We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you inspire me to be a worse person
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
