I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
