this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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