True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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