Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
