i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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