i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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