Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
