I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
