I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize