Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
