Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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