i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
