not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
