i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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