are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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