worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
