i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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