Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
