She even gives head with a lisp.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A+ Viking dick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
