How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
