I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
