If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
