Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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