don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
