I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My dick has a subreddit
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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