If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
