No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
