The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
