just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize