Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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