Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
