We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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