thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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