I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
