he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My liver just had a heart attack.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize