i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
