You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
