Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
