I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
