yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
