she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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