it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
