I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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