I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
