Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
