Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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