Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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