i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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