I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
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