I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
