it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
