Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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