I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
