Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
