Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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