Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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