shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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