Please, let me fuck your mom
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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