I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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