Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
