Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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