another moral hangover. fuck.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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