I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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