Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
