Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
