i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
