he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
