So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
