Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
